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Home » Building Trusting Relationships

Nov 2025

A guide to

Building Trusting Relationships

We know that working with some families can be difficult, particularly when there is a high occurence of adverse childhood experiences, trauma and abuse. The WSCP have put together a short guide to help you in your practise when working with children and families in difficult situations so that you can build trusting relationships and work effectively with challenging families.

This page provides clear, practical guidance to help practitioners feel confident, informed, and supported.

All content on this page is based on materials developed through multi‑agency learning and workshop insights. 

Raising practitioner confidence

This page aims to help practitioners: 

  • Build confidence when navigating challenging conversations. 
  • Understand the behaviours they may encounter and how to respond. 
  • Strengthen professional curiosity and questioning. 
  • Reduce anxiety when confronted with conflict, challenge, or resistance. 
  • Feel more prepared when working with families whose engagement may be inconsistent, resistant, or complex. 
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Building Trust and Rapport

Foundation for all relational practice

Building trust with families is central to effective safeguarding. Many families come into contact with services feeling judged, misunderstood, or powerless. Strong rapport helps reduce defensiveness and enables collaborative working. 

Key principles include: 

  • Using empowering, inclusive language. 
  • Sharing control through choice and transparency. 
  • Being honest, consistent, and predictable. 
  • Acknowledging emotions early to prevent escalation. 
  • Humanising professional relationships without judgement. 
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What is the underlying cause?

Understanding power struggles and root factors 
 

Challenging behaviours rarely occur without reason. It is important to avoid assumptions.

Challenging behaviour occurs across all socioeconomic backgrounds. Affluent families may present emotional neglect, hidden substance misuse, and coercive control that is harder to detect. Confirmation bias can and often prevent practitioners from recognising risk. 

Understanding why behaviour is happening allows practitioners to respond with empathy and clarity. 

Families may present behaviours that feel challenging, but these often act as protective strategies shaped by trauma or fear.

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What behaviours do you see?
  • Text link image Stonewalling
    Show details
    If a family stonewalls you consider the following approaches

    Give time and space
    Ask emotion‑focused rather than procedural questions
    Offer choices to increase sense of safety and control 

  • Text link image Aggression or Anger 
    Show details
    Often practitioners can face anger responses, remember this is likely to be fear based or trauma related. Try to:

    Stay regulated and calm
    Acknowledge feelings to lower defensiveness
    Maintain safe, clear boundaries 

  • Text link image Swearing
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    Dont assume that the language you are faced with is automatically agressive. Sometimes this is influenced by cultural or societal norms and can be localised or situational. Remember to:

    Recognise cultural, social or learned norms 
    Focus on the meaning behind words, not the language itself 

  • Text link image Non -engagement
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    Non-engagement does not always mean that families do not want to work with you. There may be many barriers that you are unaware of. Try to:

    Explore the emotional reason for disengagement 
    Break tasks into small, manageable steps (chunking)
    Ask what would make engagement easier for them 

  • Text link image Manipulation / Controlling or Threatening Behaviour 
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    Dealing with families with this kind of behaviour can be intimidating. Stay professionally curious, dont believe everything you are told, triangulate information with other services and family members - sometimes parents may maipulte services if they do not want you to engage with the other parent. Try to:

    Keep boundaries firm and consistent
    Stay calm, factual and centred on the child
    Re‑focus conversations away from power struggles toward the child’s needs

    Psychological reactions to child protection matters are very likely as when a person is told they cannot do something, it is likely they will want to do the opposite. And pwer struggles can often tap into trauma responses.

    Defensive parental behaviour may include:

    Explaining why you are wrong, and they are right (isolating practitioners to regain power)
    Denying everything and making it harder for practitioner to gather evidence
    Look for loopholes such as having another baby or reach out to MPs or social media to regain power

Affluent Neglect

Working with families where affluent neglect is a concern can create a real challenge for practitioners 

Affluent neglect can pose significant dangers for children, even when material needs are met.

For practitioners, the dangers lie in the risk of minimising concerns because a child appears well-cared‑for, high‑achieving, or financially stable. This can lead to missed safeguarding opportunities, difficulty in engaging or connecting with parents who may not recognise, for example, emotional neglect, and challenges in evidencing harm when physical indicators are absent.

Click the link below to find out more about affluent neglect...

find out more
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Communication

Trauma and its influence on how we interact

People who have experienced trauma may feel they have lost control of part of their life.

It's important to understand how trauma impacts  communication, emotional regulation, and a person's ability to safely engage with services. 

Some common trauma responses include: 

  • Fear of enclosed spaces or long appointments 
  • Hypervigilance or appearing distracted 
  • Dissociation or emotional withdrawal 
  • Difficulty making decisions 
  • Avoidance of meetings or discussions 
Find out more
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Trauma‑informed practise 
  • Trying the following approaches may help you build trusting relationships:
    Show details
    Key:
    • 1: Choice
    • 4: Observation
    • 2: Validation
    • 5: Trauma
    • 3: Language
    • 6: Honesty
    Key Approaches:
    • 1
      Offering meaningful choices
      Providing options helps people regain a sense of control. This may include choosing where they feel most comfortable sitting, whether the door remains open, or agreeing together on how long the meeting will last. Small choices can significantly reduce anxiety and create a more collaborative atmosphere.
    • 2
      Validating emotions and acknowledging lived experience
      Listening without judgement and recognising the reality of someone’s feelings or history builds trust. Validation might involve simple statements that communicate understanding, empathy, and respect. It reinforces that their responses are normal reactions to difficult experiences.
    • 3
      Reassuring through calm and consistent communication
      Using predictable, steady, and emotionally neutral language helps create a sense of stability. Clear explanations, avoiding abrupt changes in tone, and maintaining consistent boundaries support feelings of safety and reduce uncertainty.
    • 4
      Allowing breaks and recognising overwhelm
      Trauma responses can be triggered quickly. Being flexible, offering pauses, slowing the pace, or stepping away when needed helps prevent escalation and supports emotional regulation. Paying attention to signs of stress or overload allows you to respond proactively.
    • 5
      Being mindful of triggers and adapting the environment
      Certain environments, sounds, topics, or interactions may create distress. A trauma‑informed approach involves noticing potential triggers and being willing to adjust the setting, communication style, or process to reduce discomfort and support wellbeing.
    • 6
      Building trust through transparency
      Trust grows when people know what to expect. Being open about what will happen next, explaining the purpose of questions or processes, and avoiding surprises all help individuals feel informed and in control. Transparency reduces fear and supports a sense of partnership.

Communication Techniques

knowing what to expect can help you navigate difficult situations

Remember to stay calm and confident. If you are new to role, make sure you have peer or managerial support and:

  • Prepare yourself before the conversation 
  • Adapt communication depending on trauma, education, and family context
  • Avoid jargon; explain processes simply and clearly 
  • Use open questions that prompt reflection 
  • Stay neutral and compassionate when facing challenge 
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Stength-based communication

empowers families, builds confidence, and reduces defensiveness by focusing on what is working well. It reinforces partnership rather than judgement.

How to Give a Family a Voice

  • Invite them to share their story in their own words
  • Ask open questions such as: “Can you tell me what happened from your perspective?”
  • Allow silence — some families need time to process
  • Validate feelings and experiences: “It makes sense that you’d feel that way.”
  • Offer choice about how information is shared (written, spoken, or through a support person)
Strength-based practise
  • What good practise looks like
    Show details
    Key:
    • 1: Understanding Journeys
    • 3: Emotional landscape
    • 2: Building Chronologies
    Building trusting relationship
    • 1
      Understanding Their Journey
      Explore key life events, transitions, and stressors.
      Ask, “What has your journey been like up to this point?”
      Be curious about protective factors as well as challenges.
      Maintain a non‑judgmental stance, avoiding assumptions.
    • 2
      Gathering a Historical Chronology
      Build an understanding of patterns over time.
      Ask when significant events began, what influenced change, and how they coped.
      Chronologies help practitioners understand context, triggers, and resilience.
    • 3
      Asking How Things Felt (Even When They Don’t Know)
      Families may struggle to identify emotions due to trauma or lack of emotional language. You could try:
      Using gentle questions: “What was that moment like for you?”
      Offering emotion prompts if needed: overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, confused, unsure.
      Normalise not knowing: “It’s okay if you’re not sure... we can explore it together.”

Trauma and Communication

The Trauma Response in the Brain

When the amygdala activates, the “reptilian brain” perceives threat. This can:

  • Limit ability to think logically
  • Reduce capacity to engage in conversation
  • Trigger fight, flight, or freeze

REMEMBER: In this state, a person cannot meaningfully process information until they feel safe.

What to Do in This Situation

  • Slow down the conversation
  • Reduce demands or questions
  • Offer grounding strategies (breathing, breaks, moving to a quieter space)
  • Reassure them: “You’re safe. We can take this at your pace.”

Understanding why behaviour occurs helps practitioners respond with empathy and clarity, reducing escalation and improving trust.

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Common Trauma‑Linked Presentations
  • What can it look like?
    Show details
    Key:
    • 1: Dissociation
    • 3: Agrression
    • 2: Mental Ill Health
    Presentations:
    • 1
      Dissociation (Overwhelm): Appearing zoned out, confused, or disconnected
      Pause the discussion
      Bring attention gently back to the room
      Offer breaks or reschedule if needed
    • 2
      Mental Ill Health: Including depression, lack of motivation or disengagement.
      Reduce pressure and break tasks down
      Offer reassurance and patience
    • 3
      Aggression: Often linked to fear of losing control or feeling inadequate.
      Maintain calm and consistent boundaries
      Acknowledge the emotion: “I can see this is really difficult.”
Strength‑based practice empowers families and reduces defensiveness
  • Text link image Language examples
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    Non-stigmatising language examples that help reduce defensiveness, promote collaboration, and recognise families’ abilities rather than their deficits. Strength‑based wording helps reduce labels and shame.
    Examples include:

    Do NOT use the word “But” – use “And” insteaed!

    Replace “aggressive” with “frustrated”
    Replace “attachment issues” with “relationship difficulties”

    Replace “non‑compliant” with “finding it hard to engage right now”
    Replace “withdrawn” with “needing space”
    Replace “chaotic household” with “household experiencing instability”
    Replace “hard‑to‑reach” with “may need a different approach

    These alternatives focus on context and need rather than judgement.

  • Text link image Phrases to calm and empower
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    Knowing what to say to de-escalate situations and empower families is important in developng trusting relationships. Strength‑based, trauma‑informed language helps reduce defensiveness and supports collaboration.
    Try saying:

    “Thank you for being honest with me.” 
    “What would help this feel easier for you?” “You’re doing your best in a really challenging situation.”
    “Let’s work through this together.”
    “Would you prefer to pause and come back to this?”
    “I can see this is important to you.”

    These phrases validate feelings, offer choice, and reinforce safety

  • Text link image Non-verbal awareness
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    Communication isn’t only about what we say, it’s also how we say it.
    Remember to slow your speech, acknowledge feelings, and maintain emotional safety.

    Look out for:

    Posture – stay open and relaxed
    Tone – calm, steady, and non‑threatening
    Pace – allow thinking time; don’t rush
    Eye contact – gentle and appropriate

    Use active listening: reflect back what you hear, show empathy, and demonstrate non‑judgement.

  • Text link image Family dynamics
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    Family dynamics strongly influence how people engage with services. Understanding these patterns helps practitioners navigate conversations safely and effectively.

    Couples experiencing conflict may need to be spoken with separately
    A calm, neutral environment increases safety and reduces emotional activation
    Sometimes one issue must be addressed before another (but child safety always takes precedence)
    Power imbalances within family relationships may affect disclosure
    Parents may communicate differently when partners or other family members are present

    NOTE: A clear understanding of family relationships helps practitioners navigate conversations safely and effectively

  • Text link image Chunking
    Show details
    “Chunking is the process whereby the brain perceives several items of information as a single item.”
    (Oram & Wilson, 2010)

    Chunking means breaking information into small, meaningful, manageable pieces so families can process and retain it more easily. This is especially helpful when trauma is present, as trauma can temporarily affect concentration, working memory, and the ability to sequence information.

    Go to resources below to download examples for your practice.

Recognising Bias

It's important to stay non-judgmental

Staying non‑judgmental is essential for safe, effective practice. Practitioners may experience their own triggers when faced with certain behaviours. 

Use this section to: 

  • Understand how bias influences professional decisions. 
  • Reflect on unconscious bias. 
  • Explore assumptions based on class, culture, behaviour or reputation. 

Motivational Interviewing

Why is it important when working with families?

Motivational Interviewing (MI), isn’t about persuading, it’s about partnering by earning the right to challenge and preparing for difficult questions, such as, “Is it ok if we talk about… what happened at school last week”.

By using open questions, affirmations, reflective listening, and summarising, you create space for families to explore their own reasons for change. This approach builds trust, reduces defensiveness, and helps uncover what truly matters to them. Even small shifts in language, moving from ‘You need to…’ to ‘What would it take for…?’ can transform engagement.

Motivational interviewing uses:

  • Open questions 
  • Affirmations 
  • Reflective listening 
  • Summaries 

IMPORTANT MI Supports Trauma-Informed Practice: MI uses empathy and curiosity, reducing the risk of re-traumatisation.

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Top Tips

Top Tips

Other considerations:

  • Humanising relationships without judgement will help to reframe challenge
  • Sometimes practitioners make mistake because they are working with incomplete information because families will never tell you everything!
  • If you are struggling be honest and say, “I am struggling with this case, I might need to ask you more questions about this if that’s ok?”
  • Families may ‘stew’ on their meeting with you before / after you arrive so address their concerns by understanding their case
  • Stree the importance of two way honesty, “I can only work on the information you give me.  I may struggle to get the best needs for you child if I don’t have all the information”
  • Remember that in fact most parents are honest!
  • If we build a trusting relationship, parents are less likely to lie
  • Sometimes in very upsetting situations we are working past the level of humanity which is why if sexual abuse happens, we might need to take an authoritative approach
  • Explain why… “The reason I would like to ask you about it is because I wasn’t there and want to hear your side of the story so you can have a chance to show your perspective”
  • Give an exit, “You may not be able to tell me at this moment, and that’s ok, but I may affect how I can help you”

Professional Curiosity

Being curious is important in protecting children from harm. Recognising and acting upon your curiosity can be the differnce between safeguarding a child from harm and missing some vital piece of information.

Being confidence in your approach to safeguarding requires curiosity, creative thinking, an open mind and being non-judgemental.

Curiosity, paired with confidence, can be the difference between identifying risk and missing vital information. 

Find out more about Professional Curiosity & Challenge

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Resources

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